Where I live colors come slowly
All I see are green and brown
Growth springing up from the earth
Chartreuse colored buds on weather beaten trees
They have survived winter
A small cluster of daffodils shed some light
High above the sky is still blue
A color of hope and staying true
It beckons to me
Keep looking up
Keep looking up
I wrote this poem in 2013. There was snow and ice that winter.
There are some things I never want to change. Other things I can't wait to change. Seems maybe I get my priorities mixed up ofttimes. Now it is Spring. I am so happy the winter is gone. It was fairly mild, but just the word itself denotes cold, bitter, dank and grey. With no snow to speak of and those milder temperatures winter was worse in some way because it didn't fit the right description. Looking back on previous years, winter was, well...winter, in all its authenticity! Easy to see it in splendor now that they are behind us.
Transition still is taking place. Even though Spring is here there has been a 40 degree temperature change in 3 days and today 5" of snow blankets the ground.
I fluctuate. I just finished a project and don't know what is next. I am in between the pages. I am afraid I am out of words, out of ideas, and with that...out of hope. All of a sudden I am without definition.
I look around and see so many things in transient. The climate is mirroring our society. With so much variance in the weather patterns, anomalies in nature are becoming more and more frequent. In our infrastructure definitions are changing at an escalated rate even in the past 20 years. Gender and family are fractured, as well as our boundaries and traditions.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 notes "...There is nothing new under the sun", but the rise and spread of the infrequent exceptions of "normal" lifestyle is becoming monumental and commonplace. Shock is now being replaced by confusion, despair and hopelessness. As I retrace the past couple of months and talk it out with a friend my conversation follows a course that lands upon a present situation, and as I speak of it we both realize it is certainly a large issue of my heart, but not one that is easily solved. It is one that has its roots embedded into years past. It always seems to find its way into the present no matter how many times I have tried to address it, ignore it, or bury it. As unresolved issues of the heart repeatedly reveal themselves, it seems they are yearning to be set free. Instead, I protect them and in doing so, I am a slave to them. One issue adds to another and soon the effects and repercussions define my path. Excuses become the easy way to avoid confrontation and truth. Freedom becomes just a word with no evidence. But...there is hope! Just because it is not seen or felt or even experienced does not dismiss it's truth. Just like it is Spring whether the snow falls or the temperatures plummet, so is hope a truth. Christ defeated death and all that surrounds it. His death dealt with the issues, but His resurrection brought hope into view. Sooner or later the issues must break ground and be exposed to reveal hope. Yes, transition takes time. Ground thaws, trees bud, growth is slow. Faith is needed to believe. Sometimes many words are necessary to unlock the silent places of the heart. In my undefined times I can look back and determine my ambiguity then or my ambiguity now. Both will define me. I need to appreciate the slow and and seemingly unfruitful places in my life. I need to look up. Keep looking up.
(I apologize for the font sizes. I tried to fix it 3 times...I lost)