"He makes darkness His Hiding place…" Psa 18:11

 Those who seek and praise you in darkness will find you there. Psalm 18 gives an exciting picture of  God's immediate response to the Psalmist's cry. You will come to the cry of help, bowing the heavens and riding swiftly on dark clouds. You ride upon a cherub and speed with the wind. You will shake the earth with anger at my enemies. Thunder will be your voice and lighting will be your arrows hurled across the sky .

You will draw me out and deliver me from my enemies into a large place. You are my champion. I am your prize. I am hidden with Christ in God. Col 3:3

I cannot run from darkness. I find you there. I stay until I find you and then I will have light. And when I find the light, then I will know my way. Life is birthed in the dark. The plant in the seed, the baby in the womb. God does His greatest work in our darkest places. If it seems long, it does not mean hope is gone. Keep looking for His light.

The Thorn

May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
       even as we put our hope in you. Psa 33:22

How fragile a flower! Emanating fragrance and exhibiting beauty, roses cut from her garden were a shade of pink all my senses were drawn towards. As she spoke of them, she used the word aggressive to describe their thorns. I watched, cringing inside as she took the flower in her hand to arrange it in the vase, thinking "oh, don't crush it”. She didn't. Her hands are strong but she knows just how much force to use to not change its shape. I was so happy to bring them home to sit on my own table.

For the next few days as I recounted the events and conversations of my time with her, I thought about the thorns. I outlined them with my fingers. They were sharp. The petals will fall soon enough on their own without any intruders, but they all come equipped with a fortress.

Plants neither move nor speak. Thorns serve them well. They are a defense system meant to ward off predators. Do I have thorns? Do I have predators? I love peace, but I honestly admit I spend much of my time searching for it. My opinions and choices do not always line up with others, thus sometimes causing irritation.

The Psalmist’s plea for God’s unfailing love is my plea also, for my thorns I fear have been aggressive, and I sense I have turned my anger on those sharp points and tried to match them far too often, and I am the one who so often bleeds.

I read of a thorn that the Apostle Paul was sent, a messenger of Satan. The word buffet, as used in the King James version, means to beat in contention; a blow with the fist. When he prayed for God to remove it the answer was “My grace is sufficient for thee, for power is perfected in weakness”. We are not told what the thorn was, perhaps a person, maybe something physical or emotional, but whatever it was, God said no. If you read further he goes on to say he boasts about his weaknesses.

When was the last time I boasted about my weaknesses? Rather than boasting I am more likely to curse. I notice there seems to be a distinction between thorns and weaknesses. Paul had weaknesses in his body, maybe from aging, or maybe from birth. The thorn he was given was from Satan. Whatever he had wasn't being removed.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”. Psa 139:14. 

How should I respond to what God allows? I am to be focused on Christ and who I am in His eyes. I may have thorns, but I am a beautiful creation. The purpose of the thorn is to keep my attention and reliance on my creator. Instead of using them as swords for battle, rather I should use S-words, God's word, which is sharper than any two-edged sword,. Heb 4:12. It is one that can both cut and heal. It is a discerner of the intents of the heart. It is both sharp words and soft words…S-words.

In today's world we are fighting for our rights...racial, religious, moral, cultural, gender, children and elderly. Our resistance to peace only sharpens our thorns and turns them to swords. Everyone is left bleeding.

We are all seeking peace. We get further away with every conversation. “Christ said “Think not that I am come to bring peace; I came not to send peace, but a sword”. Mat 10:34. That tells me that the fight is important, but there is a way to fight. I don’t take my own sword in hand, but I let His sword bring about victory while I stand in truth of who I am.

I don't stand blind to my adversary and I don’t taunt in retaliation. I don't spend my time looking at the thorns on the roses. I know enough not to touch them and when I do then I am fiercely aware of the pain they can cause. My attention is drawn to the beauty of the flower.

My beauty and worth as a whole being, fashioned by the creator as one who can find glory and grace, is where my focus needs to be. God deals with me in gentleness, yet His gentleness may look different than what I expect. He knows what He allows me are opportunities to be strengthened. I have a free will and can move away or draw near, unlike the rose.

Scripture tells us Paul had been shipwrecked, beaten, thrown in prison, and now was being misunderstood in the church he built. Because he allowed his weaknesses to humble rather than humiliate, he was able to find a supernatural strength. “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body”. 2 Cor. 4:8-10.

They put a crown of thorns on Jesus’s head. The weakness of a man displayed on the Son of God was just another way of Him relying on the grace of His Father. Surely He took our sins and weaknesses, but He looked and saw beyond them and glorified God.

 Three days after I received my roses, the petals fell. We live a short time and fade as the grass, James 1:9-11. Oh, may I not look down on the thorn that I have been given, but always bring praise to God in spite of it and gather strength from it.


o

When Life Sucks You Dry (revised)

When life Sucks You Dry

June. The long awaited summer appears as cool, windy days imminently give way to scorching temperatures and still, stagnant air.  A month for love. Weddings, anniversaries, Father's Day. For me, A month of loss. I find myself counting; 1,2,3,4...people who recently have, or are in the process of, leaving my life, at least my sphere of physical accessibility. Then, those who I realize have left, not in body, but in heart. A loss of connection and communication, which leaves me wondering was there ever any to begin with? It is all too much.

As I think of it I feel the anxiety swell inside me. My breath is short. My lungs aren't wide enough, my eyes aren't big enough, my ears aren't tuned enough to breathe it, see it, or hear it all. The thought of  it sucks the life right out of me. The expression, 'life sucks', may sound as unrefined speech to some, but It certainly is so often accurate. Life on this earth can suck the very life out of you. Sheer madness on so many levels shroud sanity, veil reality, and make us as impersonal as technology.

We are striving to be noticed and heard, but in the process of doing so, we are squelched by the tone of our own voice. My volume, the way I stress my syllables, my physical stance, are used against me, interpreted as some persona depicted in a play. It is easier to press the delete button rather than face emotions and real life issues. As we advance in technology to exceed, we are giving ourselves emotional lobotomies. Let the emoticons describe you. They are silent and offend no one.

So, what do I do when I am trapped in this vacuum where my words, tears and feelings have been sucked out and left me listless while the onslaught of life's personal losses and universal tragedy are violently forced in, thus causing a mental and emotional asphyxiation.  My natural default is to withdraw, succumb to unconsciousness, be apathetic, and appease whatever appetite arises. After all... I'm impulsively grasping to breathe!

But really what I need is an even exchange. We breathe in oxygen and some carbon dioxide. When we exhale, we breathe out less oxygen but more carbon dioxide than we inhale. The carbon we breathe out as carbon dioxide comes from the carbon in the food we eat.

 Christ made the exchange for us. Man's life fell when he chose to disobey. Christ's life arose when He chose to obey. A great exchange. My sin for His life. My distress for His rest. My despair for His hope. It doesn't seem like an even exchange, does it? In His unfathomable love, He gives the opportunity for me to live a balanced life, breathing in and breathing out hope.

Just as the body needs a balance, so do our souls. Proverbs 11:1 tells us "A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight".  Life won't stop happening. People won't stop leaving. It will insist on sucking energy from me.

It hurts...all this leaving. I think of how I just took for granted one's presence. We 've known each other for some 30 years, yet the times we actually spent together in the past 10 were too few. Or my new found friend who was here only a short time and now has returned to his home state. To find someone new and your heart connects so quickly, it seems so unfair that it lasts such a short time. Then there:s the one who may leave, not even a definite yet, but inside already the emptiness is growing, like my heart is preparing me for what I know to be inevitable. I am fighting against it with my will, even as I know I won't win.

So as I exhale all this hurt what can I take in as an exchange that will put hope in its place? Maybe the benefits of knowing them. All of them are different, each with unique gifts they brought to my life. They all showed me hope. Instead of grieving their departure, can I rejoice with them? For they have hope yet to be realized in their future. Why should I selfishly bemoan that? There are others in my life who are still here. Those who need more time, more  attention, more conversation perhaps, now that I am reminded firsthand again how suddenly life can change.

And Jesus, didn't He die to His own self willingly so that we could have hope? He took the hardest road, the cross. It was not cheap. Salvation is free to those who ask, but without the trials that are meant to strengthen me I will never know the full power of this precious hope. It is process and we are growing in it.

So here is my opportunity to breathe in and out a hope that will keep me balanced and nourished while feeding others.

Lessons From the Fox

We have new boarders on our property. No, they are not paying to stay here. My daughter discovered them and showed me a video she made of the 4 fox kittens. They are living under the shed in our back yard. As beautiful as they are my awareness of their untamed nature elevated the walls of defense within me. Immediately I thought of the stray animals that wander freely in and out of my yard; cats, dogs, rabbits, squirrels and chipmunks, not to mention, the many birds. I also thought, of course, rabies.

The  next day we discovered not only were there four, there were 7 kits in the den and we began watching as Mother fox would return from her hunt every day to feed herself and nurse her young. To strengthen the threat, as I was in the yard planting my garden, I took a step too close, as I hadn't noticed Mother fox guarding her babies behind her, playing. This mother took a lunge toward me and I quickly retreated. No one was going to get between her and her kits! She sat back down as I cajoled her with my voice and immediate distance. Looking forward, all senses turned to any oncoming threat, she sat at attention for a good part of the afternoon and I was very limited to how far I could go in my  own back yard.

Contrary to other's desires, I called the Animal Control Officer to arrange a safe transfer, only to be told it is illegal to move them from their dwelling place. I guess they have Squatter's Rights. After a time of brooding and venting about my rights verses animal rights, I began to slowly settle inside. I thought of fear verses trust. I thought of my broken down shed now being a shelter for God's creatures. I thought of children, mothers, protection, diligence, and yes, I thought of hope.

Franklin D. Roosevelt made this statement in his inaugural address. "There is nothing to fear but fear itself". Fearing fear, hmmm. What does that mean? If I fear the fear, isn't that just as paralyzing? If I fear it in the sense of terrorizing me, yes, I am defeated. However, if I fear it in the sense of respecting it's presence but knowing it no longer has power over me because Jesus Christ already put an end to it's authority, I can destroy its effects on me.

We live in a society where threat is flagrant in our faces every time we pick up a newspaper, turn on the television, face a disease, a tragedy, a conflict of interest or a belief system that challenges our own. How do I handle the threats in a practical, realistic way and prevent the impending fear that swallows up all my hope?

I made a decision to remove the threat, only to get a flat out "No". Somehow that "no" began to settle me. I did all I could do, I took the action I believed in and now the threat is looking more like opportunity. As my eyes turn to Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of my faith. (Heb 12:1,2), so does my perspective turn to hope. I found scripture that says "For your ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all your paths. (Pr 5:21) It is my part to always look at Jesus Christ. It is His part to always have me before Him as He sees all I am doing. He knows the threats, but when I look at Him, having done all I can do, I see the hope.

Will I bother the fox? No. Will I feed the fox? No. I won't tempt the threat to generate fear. I will enjoy their presence, keep myself at a safe distance and leave the rest to God.

Ever learning, slowly learning, one situation at a time.

My Offering in His Hand

A little girl in bronze is holding a basket of firstfruits. Her head is slightly tipped looking so proudly at her offering. How can she be refused? Her willingness to give of her hard work, she arranged everything that it would tempt the senses and win her favor.

She is A statuette on a table in the corner of a restroom. Seems an odd place to display this precious piece of artwork. I wonder if the sculptor knows where it ended up. Maybe in his mind it would be in a large hall where crowds would gather, such as an art gallery, or in some wealthy home where it would be admired and discussed. Surely people would want to know of the creator's name and learn of his other work. Would you want your artwork that so obviously took hours upon hours to finish and perfect to  end up in a restroom?

What about my writing? Am I setting my sights on best seller lists?  Am I impatient, waiting to see hundreds of followers on social media? What if the only place it arrives is in a few hands, not even bound, but pages hole punched and tied together? Would I deem it valuable or would my mindset be of a lesser opinion? Is what I receive from God worthy of just one spectator or one reader? Am I to dictate where my offering goes?

There's a story of a widow who gave two mites in the Treasury in Mk 12:42-44. They equaled a farthing, which is 1/4 of one penny. Jesus observed her and said she had given more than all the others for it came from her poverty rather than her abundance. She took what the Lord had given her and gave it away. She knew she would be taken care of. How much could that one farthing feed? She wasn't concerned about how God would use what she placed in His hands. She just gave. Perhaps she had heard of how 5,000 had been fed with two fishes and 5 loaves of bread in Mk 6.

What the Lord gives us is for others, and we don't know how many will be blessed. I think our aim should be "do all  to bless all, but don't underestimate the value of one".  I don't frequently attend art galleries or enter homes of the wealthy. I entered the common restroom and found an uncommon, exquisitely sculptured piece of hope.

True Hope is True Rest

The stars in the sky shine. Since time began that is all they do. On a clear night I can see them without any effort. My eyes trace the constellations. I can locate the North Star. They are always in the same place. In a cloud covered sky I can't see them, but I know they are there. During the day I can't see them, but I know they are there. They just "are". I don't judge them for just being. I don't get angry when they're not visible.

How simple to just simply "be"; really? This is not what I have experienced. I have spent my life trying to produce, to work, to be mother, wife, friend, confidante, and team player. I have set my sights on the proverbs 31 woman and at times wanted her story ripped from the Bible. I have identified more with the demon possessed man who Jesus healed and left him standing clothed and in his right mind. Well... I am clothed. Or Mephibosheth, Jonathan's son. who was dropped by his nurse as a baby and left lame. I wonder sometimes if someone dropped me on my head, but never told me. I have identified with the heart of Rahab the prostitute, the wine bibber, the poor widow who could give only out of her poverty. I have sat with scholars amazed at their knowledge only to become Pharisaical. I have tried to say nothing of this life matters, only to find myself begging for the crumbs fallen from the table. I have stood tall and put my best foot forward, only to discover I have no balance. 

Comparison and emulation always result in a false view of identity. 

I remember being small and riding the seesaw, my friend on one end, I on the other. Often when I was at the top my friend would suddenly decide she was done and just get off, leaving me to come down with a bang. I became paranoid. I could no longer rely on her to lower me safely to the ground. When I attempted to do the same to her, she threatened the state of our friendship. Afraid of being left alone, I became almost subservient to her demands and conditions. 
Many years later I see where there were rooted some serious patterns of pleasing people. I started letting other people shape my identity. Learning to be "me" has been an ongoing battle.

A lifetime of being at the top of something and then slammed to the ground has caused a lot of trust issues. Is there anyone I can trust completely? I have decided no, not even myself. How can I trust me when I don't even know who I am? The only one trustworthy is the one who proves himself to be trustworthy. I have yet to find a person who is qualified. So I have to turn my eyes and my faith to Jesus. He came to earth knowing exactly who He was and did exactly what He said He was going to do. He inspired it to be written down and provided His Spirit to teach those who are seeking truth.

How do I find out who I am? I look to His definition of me. He has told me. I am beautiful, I am accepted, I am loved, I am a more than a conquereor and I am forgiven. I am so much more than I see with my eyes or hear with my ears. He literally took the punishment that I deserved for my sin. When I can believe His opinion of me then hope will have substance. I will know and be known for who I truly am. I will be me and being me will be enough. When you are enough, there is rest. 

A Buried Hope

A child buried beneath the rubble of an earthquake screams, hoping someone can hear from above. He can hear the cries of people, but they cannot detect his voice in the midst of their own cacophony. He feels the weight of wood, metal, glass, dirt coming down upon him. He hears the roaring sound of the earth opening, loosening foundations that once were secure and taken for granted. As the weight increases the sounds become fainter. The light slowly recedes, darkness filling every space. His own voice echos until even that is sucked up into a vacuum. He is alone...alone and afraid.

I remember watching the news of the earthquake that took place in Chile on Feb. 27, 2010. I was working in an environment where I had to hear CNN bringing the stories, repeatedly, day after day, until I was begging for something else in another part of our world to be reported. When I think back on it the most disturbing stories came out later of those thought to be buried alive. A few were eventually found, but many others remained unaccounted for.

Why do these stories resonate more than anything else? We heard of relief efforts, heroic rescues, tireless hours of volunteering, and millions of dollars donated from around the world. We saw pictures of the devastation, hospital victims, and the homeless. What we didn't see were the buried ones. It is the unseen reality that is embedded in my memory. Perhaps something about feeling alone,, neglected, forgotten and invisible is nearer to my own experience of life bringing with it an identification. No, I have never been literally buried alive, but inside I have felt all of those feelings. I believe we all have to some degree.

There is an account recorded in Joshua 6, of the sin of Achan. When Israel defeated Jericho he stole the spoil  which  the Lord had forbidden and he buried it. Therefore the next city they battled, the city of Ai, in turn defeated Israel. Achan was then found out, the spoil recovered and he, all his house and all he owned were completely destroyed. When the sin was dealt with, then God gave Israel Ai and also all the riches of the city.
There are things you bury for nourishment later on. A dog buries a bone to save for later. Squirrels bury acorns in summer to have in winter.  Seeds are buried in the ground in Spring to reap a harvest in Autumn. Our dead are buried as a sign of honoring a life and returning it to the earth when the soul is departed.

What about the intangible weight that we bury? The more I look into the Word of God and give myself over to Him, the more I see the burdens that I am encumbered with. What is happening is not that we are burying them, but we are being buried by them. Whatever freedoms we have are being trodden on until we no longer are recognizeable. I wonder why I am depleted of energy and default to "besetting sins" of Heb 12:1. I believe the baggage we carry is one of the reasons we don't experience the fullness of the hope of the gospel. It is often the burdens that block out the light and deafen our ears to hear the truth of who we really are. Thus we feel only defeat and isolation, so much that we even become mute.

Everything brings a harvest. Unresolved matters can eventually produce stress, guilt, blame, anger, and sometimes bitterness, and yes, fear. The longer these issues are not confronted, the wider the gaps become in relationships. Then one day you look and see a berth you cannot cross. What began in hope ends in despair.

How did we get here? Maybe we can retrace our steps. When did trust turn to wariness, or compliments turn to cynisism? When did sight override faith? Paul asked the Christian Church in Galatians 3:1 "Oh foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you that you should not obey the truth...." Paul knew that another gospel was being preached through peop!e by supernatural means.  A supernatural God has a supernatural enemy. Eph 6:12,13 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

God has provided us with weapons of warfare. Each one is meant for the destruction of our spiritual strongholds. When used correctly, the real enemy will fall and the person will be left standing free. Christ battles to defeat His enemies, only His enemies, all as a means to release the hope within.

The Children of Israel wandered in the wilderness forty years. Why did it take so long? Ravi Zacharias, a known apologist states that the enemies they would have faced if taking the straight route would have overtaken them. They did not have the wisdom that forty years afforded them. They needed the trials. Sometimes I look back and ask " why Lord"? One thing I do know is that the wisdom I have and the relationship I have now with the Lord is because of my trials, not because of a life paved with ease. I am beginning to recognize it's worth.

I don't have answers for the earthquakes of this world, or the people that are buried under them. But I do believe that God never left them alone. In all my aloneness, He is there. Hope is with me hiding under the all the rubble.

Poison ivy and Jewel Weed grow side by side. One is the antidote for the other. Horsetail and dock plant are antidotes for stinging nettles. They too are often growing in the same vicinity. Many don't know these facts. Man has manufactured antidotes.There are a lot of man-made antidotes to diseases and conditions, thank God, but there is only one true antidote to sin and to the burdens we carry, and we hold the antidote very close, but what is buried is the light that reveals it. The effects of sin are sometimes gradual. A quote I heard recently rings true, "What we tolerate now, the next generation will embrace".  We have seen it over and over again. Some continue to call it growth. I see it as a continual breaking down of God's intent and design for mankind.

It is not too late. Rom 8:28 delivers a promise to all who belong to Christ. Every detail of  my life He will work for good. We are all at different places spiritually. There is not one who is finished learning. Some of us are just beginning. Some of us take longer to learn. Some of us have been on this Christian road a long time. For me, 41 years and my wilderness is just beginning to make sense. I still need, however, to allow light to penetrate and reveal the hope inside.

With planting season upon us I always find new analogies of truth. Rototilling is a one-time task. We turn over the ground to reveal what has been underneath since the previous year. We have to break the ground and airate the soil to receive the seeds.

Spiritual digging is much the same and it requires discipline. Sometimes you dig and dig and find nothing that makes sense. Sometimes what you find are those issues you thought were so deep not even you would ever have to deal with them. That can make you stop digging. You think, this is too hard, there is a root here I cannot move. Why do I bother? I can't understand. Everyone is further than me. It's useless.

That's what happens to me. I get far enough down to see the obstacle and I am not strong enough to move it. I put my shovel down. But think about it, the reason it is unearthed is not to hurt you, but to show you it must be rooted out so the light can shine further. So you dig more, and as the light exposes it more and more it begins to satisfy an appetite and create a hunger all at the same time. A hunger for truth, and you find that you can't stay the same because what truth does is expose the lie, and when you know a lie, you can't stay comfortable for long.

As with any living thing light is a necessary ingredient to thrive. We turn our plants toward the light. People need the sunlight for mood boosters and vitamin D for strength and sustainability.

 Why do our enemies defeat us? What so-called treasures are buried that the Lord wants to unearth and give to Him? All of the unresolved issues? Why do we bury them? Are we holding them to use later on? Are they a secret weapon? Are they a defense? Are they a substitute? They are certainly a stronghold. How long? How many years will I do this? What am I afraid of?

Salvation comes to us when Jesus takes His own life, that which once was tainted with all of our sin, yet now put away, buried and resurrected, and indwells ours, making His forgiveness effective and complete in us. And thus, everything being forgiven, past, present and future does not mean that effects of continued sins and burdens cannot affect our daily walk. We can quench the Spirit (1 Thes 5:19), and grieve the Spirit (Eph 4:30), therefore not experiencing the full blessing of our freely given inheritance.

Hope is waiting. Hope is light; Christ's light. Satan knows he can't put it out, but he certainly has many tactics to keep covering it. This is my prayer, that wherever there is darkness in my life Lord, there will light go. Let me not be afraid of true light!